Wednesday, 30 August 2017

Educating Nikki

The thing with working alongside academics is, it's easy to feel somewhat disillusioned towards your own life achievements.
For example, it's my responsibility to assist with publishing their books, including their back cover biographies. Therefore, I am continually reminded of the magnificent accomplishment of others.
I also have to constantly remind myself that these academics are not your average human beings.
They are the scientists, the inventors, the mathematicians of life.
They boast letters after their names, with an education to the highest standard.
They have previously published numerous books and journals.
They are the owners of successful companies, directors and chairmen of others.
They are very clever.
I know I should not compare myself to an academic. Yet I have often struggled with pondering over my own cover biography.
But what the heck, I thought I would go ahead and write it anyway. You know, just in case I should acquire one.
And here it is.

Nikki was educated at Gaynes school in Essex. Here her favourite subjects were English, Art, and Home Economics. Even if she felt her English teacher asked her too many question to coax her into class discussions, her Art teacher scared her when he shouted and asked people to count the bacteria on the wall, and her Home Economics teacher called her You With The Hair, which she never lived down from her peers.
She wasn't a role model by any standards; she wrote her name over her school badge and was given detention twice, once for writing on a desk, and once for laughing too much.
A lover of books she wore her librarian badge with pride. She also admitted she decided to become a librarian, with her friend, so they could sit in the library during rainy lunch breaks and eat cola bottles.
Nikki left school at the tender age of fifteen, after attending an interview at a local publishing house before her maths exam, whilst her mother waited outside in her blue and red Samba. She was told her qualifications were not significant if she was prepared to start at the bottom and earn a very basic salary. Unfortunately the company closed a year later, she was made redundant with the rest of her colleagues. Here followed a pattern; she was unlucky enough to be made redundant a further three times. She also worked for a pornographic publishers but she would rather not dwell on that.
Nikki's claims to fame are; her interview with a local newspaper for an article on Essex Girls (although she was very disappointed that they managed to mix up the details on the photographs of her and friend), appearing on the television show, This Morning, to discuss baldness (she has no idea why she gave a thumbs up and quoted, "Here's to baldness!" at the end of the discussion).
Her proudest achievements are; marrying a decent man (after a long record of love disasters), her son Tommy, and tracking down George Michael's house and waiting outside until he appeared and smiled at her. She will be eternally grateful she managed the last achievement before he sadly passed away.

So what do you think, does it work for you?
On second thoughts, don't answer that.

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