If felt ridiculous to admit, but I was nervous.
All day I tried to suppress it and deny it. But it kept interrupting my day and destroying my thoughts.
You would think that after almost a year, I would be pleased and optimistic with regards to the fact - Mark and I were venturing out the house, together, without Tommy!
Because, dear readers, it was the day of the wedding reception.
The cute pink invitation had hung on our 'welcome' noticeboard for months. It looked out of place between the reminder of bin collections after bank holidays, and information on local play groups for Tommy.
The day on said invite had arrived, and my mind was overloaded with doubts and questions and worries.
For instance, how on God's earth was fifteen minutes sufficient time to transform myself? Yes we were part of a very tight schedule.
And why the heck do I have a child, whom I love to infinity and beyond, who's almost two years old, who STILL doesn't sleep well?
Plus, what do young people wear to weddings these days?
Crikey, I was painfully reminded how out of touch I was with reality.
Usually on a Friday night, Mark and I dine at my parents, if I've worked in the office and they've taken care of Tommy. Or, if I've worked from home, I'll rustle up something quick for Mark and I to eat after Tommy's bath. Either way, I'm in my stripey/floral pyjamas by 8pm, trying to coax Tommy to sleep, until I too fall asleep, or I turn to a book/wine for comfort.
All was about to change folks.
Stop the press, make an announcement in the local newspaper if you wish - Mark and Nikki were vacating their premises on a Friday night. Without child!
Incidentally, fifteen minutes was not enough time, I rushed out the house with unbrushed hair and forgot the wedding card. We had to turn around and go back for wedding card.
I constantly texted my mum to see if Tommy was okay, this was after two phone calls from my mum, she was convinced I'd left the oven on. I hadn't.
Finally, I was notified by text at 9.45pm that my precious son had finally fallen asleep in his Thomas the Tank Engine bed. I finally relaxed.
And for the record, young people wear stunning clothes to weddings these days, they look very, erm, young and stunning.
I wore my faithful pink dress, with black suede shoes which have seen better days. Still, I gradually got the hang of this going out lark. Glasses of bubbly and mini sausages were appreciated, small talk was made, big drunken conversations were entered into. I tried not to miss Tommy, or think about Tommy too much.
Then, just like magic, 11:15pm appeared and it was time to go home.
And guess what? I'd had a splendid night and could have stayed a fair bit later.
Deep sigh. What am I like?