Tuesday, 4 March 2014

Leaps and bounds

I'll never forget our first conversation.
It was rather one-sided, probably due to the fact you were only hours old. We were left in a room together at the hospital, daddy had been ordered home. I held you and promised to always look after you, look out for you, and always have fun with you.
Oh the dreams and plans I discussed with you that night. I doubt you'll remember any of them because you looked pretty dazed and confused.
After years of thinking about you, then months of feeling you growing inside me, I'd finally met you. And I couldn't have been happier.
Then we took you home and you cried. A lot.
"What's wrong with him?" I kept repeating. Sleep deprivation, agonising pain from the operation, hormones rushing through me, frustration and worry all took their toll.
It's funny how everyone loved to tell me their labour horror stories as my due day was fast approaching, but no one told me how hard the first few days of motherhood would be. It was as if there was an unwritten rule, you can't complain or moan about the first few days. If you do, people may think you are ungrateful, or that you can't cope. Or even, heaven forbid, you could be perceived as a bad mother.
It wasn't until I confided with close friends about how I was feeling that they admitted, it was hard, but don't worry, it gets easier.
And they were right. Look at us now!
Now, may I be so bold as to say, we've come on leaps and bounds.
We have our own little routine. I know your tired and hungry times, and you love playing the magic cushion game. Raspberries blown on your belly make you chuckle, you find the blinds in the bedroom fascinating, and you're still not sure about the bright dangly snail on your play mat.
Spending time with you is my favourite thing in the world, particularly now I've kind of got the hang of this.
Just go easy on me with the teething, okay? By the looks of it, with all that dribbling and shoving your hands in your mouth, this could be the start of it. I've got cream and rings on stand by, and I'll rock you all night if I have to.
Remember, we're in this together.
I gave you my word, during that long, dark night at the hospital, that I'd be there for you. And I don't intend to ever let you down.

2 comments:

Amel said...

A close friend of mine has just got a baby and she and the other mothers have been sharing stories. I think it's very rare for new mothers not to have rough days/weeks in the beginning. I remember my mother telling me that one time I just cried so much during the night for many nights. Every single night that it happened, they kept switching me from mom, dad, and even aunt (at that time they lived close to my dad's elder sister), but it didn't work. Frustration built up...until my mom's helper offered to hold me. She held me and then I just went quiet. My mom was SOOOO angry ha ha ha ha ha ha...because she was already so tired and desperate, but someone else could have that effect on me. LOL LOL!!! Ahem...I was not a very easy child to deal with (my brother, on the other hand, has always been much easier to handle). I even sneaked outside lots of times when my mom fell asleep while taking me to nap he he he he he...Imagine her surprise when she woke up to find me nowhere in the house. Ahem...:-)

FYI, I respect a lot of mothers who're very honest and open about their struggles. I know that some people don't want to share their struggles for a lot of reasons - maybe don't want to feel that they're bad mothers, but I think it's unhealthy to do it. Raising a child isn't an easy thing to do at all (understatement of the year! ha!). :-) Just because one shares one's struggles with something (a job, raising a child, building a house, their parents) doesn't mean that one isn't thankful for what one has. Of course it may feel weird sharing these online, but I mean as long as you can share these things safely, then it's a healthy thing to do IMO.

The World According To Me said...

So you sneaked outside whilst your mother was sleeping? I can imagine her panic when she awoke! It did make me laugh though.
I think you're right, sharing is healthy for the soul. I do think there is no shame in admitting you're struggling, people need to know they're not alone and there will always be good days and bad days.
I know now if a friend falls pregnant, I won't scare her, but I'll admit it is hard at first but she must hang in there or ask people for help/advice if she needs it. .