Monday, 23 December 2013

Octopus envy

I did not think I would ever be envious of an octopus.
Until recently, I have never considered the cephalopod mollusc of the order Octopoda a lucky creature.
Apparently, they are supposed to be the most intelligent of all invertebrates, capable of complex and flexible behaviour.
And they have eight arms.
These mentioned eight arms are the reason behind my envy. I do not care that they live in the sea, I don't even really like the sea. Their habitat is of no interest to me, I can barely swim and deep water scares me.
It's those eight arms which leave me wistfully thinking about an octopus.
I have realised, since little Tommy was born, that two arms are not enough when caring for a new born.
Especially when you are home alone and you have a teeny baby relying on you, two arms and two hands are not sufficient.
I've reached the conclusion, that if I was an octopus, I could hold baby T and comfort him when he was hungry, and at the same time prepare his bottle, ensure his nappy was clean before feeding, and the special feeding pillow and bib were at hand, plus check television was on and interesting channel was chosen.
Or, when baby T was content and settled, if I had more than two arms it would make life far easier. I could place him in his swing chair, and fill dishwasher/empty dishwasher/fill washing machine/empty washing machine/feed myself/dress myself/hoover/clean bathroom/wrap Christmas presents/make Christmas cards/order Christmas presents. With merely two arms it is necessary to perform these actions at top speed, as I never know if his sleep will last three minutes or three hours, and despite all efforts I often fail to complete all tasks.
I do hope you can understand, after this little insight into my recent world, why I am dissatisfied with my human arms.
Oh octopus, how simple caring for a baby would be for you.
Alas, I do not have the benefits of the number eight, so dear readers I must dash. Tommy is stirring, therefore peace and harmony no longer reign.
It was nice while it lasted.
I must head back to my two armed world and stop dreaming of an octopus.

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