Saturday, 7 May 2011

Leopards and lions and eagles...and human babies

Can a leopard change its spots?
Could a lion prevent itself from roaring?
Or an eagle learn to swim?
These are the questions I am asking from within.
In other words, can I hang up my ‘I do not have another (new and innocent) life to be responsible for, and I can go out whenever I choose (within reason) and have a glass of wine or two and stay in bed until late (if I so desire)’ hat?
Other people have accomplished this, why can’t I?
A lot of people managed to do so a long time ago.
And the reason? For worthwhile and fulfilling things, such as having babies and becoming a responsible mother.
There. I have said it. Out loud. I have written the words for all the world to see. Well, maybe not the whole wide world, just the people who care to read the latest developments on Flying Pink Elephants.
Boyfriend and I are discussing becoming parents. Frequently. We have our favourite names, thankfully the same ones, and we fantasise about the parenting skills we will hopefully gain.
He/she/they must have a happy, cherished childhood. They must not be spoilt. But we want to give them everything. Especially love, security, morals, manners, football boots or pretty frocks.
I sometimes gaze at magazines with childrens toys and furnishing. I try to imagine what it would be like to be purchasing them.
I am sometimes lost in my make believe world of childrens parties and baking colourful cup cakes with my future heirs.
Then reality overtakes me.
Am I able to bear children? Can we afford to feed children? Where will we live with children?
Is a one bedroom rented flat, a forty five minute journey from my parents house (let's face it we will need baby sitters and important input from pros) too small and too far? We are supposed to be saving for a mortgage. Can we afford a mortgage and one income?
Maybe it’s time to let nature take its course? Perhaps you can’t plan everything and on some occasions you have to throw caution to the bitter wind and see where this crazy life leads you?
I am terrified about fertility issues. I am petrified about labour pains (I make a big fuss when burning myself on the roast potato tin, which I do far too often). I am full of anguish about a new born life looking up to me and counting on me.
Crikey, not buying a bottle of Pinot Grigio and saying goodbye to self indulgent mornings in bed, are nothing compared to the above.
But the joys and the rewards must surely over take the worries and the concerns.
Or would it be correct to say, the worries and concerns never leave you when you become a parent, just as the joys and rewards must always be there. And phenomenal.
Interesting and life changing times are ahead (fingers and eyes crossed, touch large planks of wood with cautious fingers to not tempt fate) dearest readers.
Plus, I shall be 38 on my next birthday!
Time to grow up and reproduce?
Let's hope so.


Amel said...

Well, it's really nice that you're on the same page as your boyfriend. Hope I can see little Nikki someday. I guess many people are also afraid of the same questions when they start thinking about becoming parents, but if you're blessed with kids, you'll learn along the way to navigate it, just like when you first moved out from your parents' house (or when I left everything to move to Finland) and things like that I suppose (though in different ways 'coz I can't really compare raising kids with other things, but I mean in some ways it's comparable - the fear of the unknown, money worries, etc.) he he he...

I think the most important thing is that you and boyfriend are both on the same page and no matter what happens he'll be there for you. :-D

Now I'm rambling...we're now on the "other side" of TTC. We've surrendered and we've started thinking that life without kids may be for us (3 years and no pregnancy - we don't want to do any treatments either), but I know some people who TTC at nearly 40 and they get pregnant quickly. I don't know how your case will be like, but I think if you and boyfriend really want kids, better start soon than later. :-D

pilgrimchick said...

I think it comes down to values, and what you value more. Many people value the opportunities and rewards of having children over the freedoms of life without children. For me, I've really been too interested in the latter to want to give it all up enough for kids, although I truly admire those who do.

The World According To Me said...

Hi Amel

Yes I guess it is the fear of the unknown. But as you say, at least boyfriend and I are on the same page, and I agree, it's best to start sooner than later.
Who knows where it will all lead hey. We may have to surrender too? Thanks for your advice and words, I know you have been through your fair share regarding babies. Big hugs. x

The World According To Me said...

Hi Pilgrimchick

Yes I admire those who give up freedom too. I know some people don't have much choice, but others definitley decide beforehand that they are ready and willing!
I guess the longer you have freedom, the harder is it to let go.