Do you suffer from a frequent guilty conscience? Do you often think, “Oh what the heck, I’ll do it!” and promptly feel guilty for doing so?
If you are admitting to feeling this way - welcome to my world!
Actually, apparently, we are not alone in our guilt ridden world. There are others. I was reading about them in Stylist magazine during my long journey home from the office, and trying to ignore the guilty voice reminding me I should be concentrating on my photography course work, not lusting over red sparkly party dresses which I couldn't afford.
According to Stylist, and very much according to my brain, we now live in a guilt zone community, and we have no one to blame but our guilty selves.
There are victims of spending too much time in the office, women who have more career opportunities than ever before, men trying to provide for their family or produce the work of ten men in these difficult financial times. We want to prove ourselves and prevent our businesses from crumbling, but we also feel guilty for not being at home with our loved ones.
We have created a cyber world where we love to Blog, Twitter, Facebook, shop on line and bid on eBay, but feel guilty in the process for not spending enough time in the real world.
Our mobile phones, our Blackberries and iPhones, are glued to our hands and ears, not wanting to miss that important client telephone call or the important friendly text from a friend. If we were to miss the important client telephone call or the important friendly text, how guilty we would feel for not being available twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Even if the permanently-glued-to-our-hands-and ears mobile meant it was interrupting and sacrificing the time we should be doing other things, maybe more constructive things.
Even food is creeping into our guilty calorie counting lives. We have the knowledge of super foods and the fright of diabetes and heart disease. Yet still we indulge in chocolate cake and escape in reality cooking programmes, packed full of sugar and laden with fat.
So thank you Stylist and thank you memory for reminding me of all the guilty pleasures and pains in my life. I was already trying my hardest to ignore my guilty pangs. It's not easy sometimes. I must confess to struggling with this issue.
When I first met lovely boyfriend he couldn't believe what little time I had to myself. "You're never at home, you're always rushing everywhere and seeing everyone, no wonder you're always tired and running out of money."
He had a valid point. But if I didn't constantly arrange and agree to meet friends I would feel guilty for not seeing them or being there for them. On the other hand, arranging and agreeing to constantly go out was exhausting, physically and mentally, not to mention avoiding checking my bank balance to see how much my socialising was costing.
I'm not saying I don't thoroughly enjoy myself amongst friends, that's what makes it so tough, I love being with them. But I knew he was right, I should be going out less, so the next day would not be one big yawn, and I could spend time doing things that needed doing, such as housework and washing and card making and exercising on my cross trainer. The cross trainer I invested in when I cancelled my gym membership. The gym membership I always had good intentions to use but would feel guilty for not using.
Can you see the guilty mine field I am faced with? The guilty battles I torture myself with?
And guess what, all this time I spend with guilt is making me feel guilty for worrying so much and not focusing all this energy towards something else. Something perhaps more positive and worthwhile.
Oh I'm hopeless, aren't I.
I'm guilty as charged.
And don't even get me started on the chips I am about to tuck into, the chips I couldn't resist agreeing to but know I shouldn't be eating as I finally weighed myself today.
In my next life, please can I not feel so guilty.
Or at least make me thin.