Friday, 15 January 2010

The rule book of life

Does anyone have a spare rule book I could borrow please?
I'm imagining it as a black leather bound, slightly tatty but much loved (and needed!) book of, and for, this crazy little thing called life.
I promise to look after it. I will read it cover to cover. I will absorb the words carefully. I will treasure the words. I will make note of the words. I will take drastic action and act in the appropriate manner to respect these words.
Okay, maybe this book does not exist. But imagine if it did? It could be the answer to all my prayers. It would be the precious, vital, piece of information that I require.
Especially now.
And wouldn't you be tempted to read it too?
First date from my on-line dating adventure has been accomplished. Mission one over and out!
Did it go well? I think it did.
We met outside McDonalds (not the most romantic location but that is where it all began). Luckily I have seen 85 pictures of the man in question. We are Facebook friends and Match Affinity friends. So therefore I recognised him instantly. I will honestly admit at this point, I have always been attracted to the picture behind the messages. Although I do realise dear readers, looks are superficial. However, there has to be a connection. Wouldn't you agree?
We walked to a near by wine bar. We instantly 'clicked' and conversation flowed and laughter was heard.
So far so good.
We entered the wine bar, ordered a bottle of Pinot Grigio, and seated ourselves in a booth with soft lighting.
The perfect atmosphere for a first date.
The night flew by at a pleasant and comfortable rate. Spookily, or am I reading too much into this, we shared a great deal in common. Similar experiences, likes and dislikes, and outlook on life. I couldn't help smiling into my wine glass and his friendly (hazel colour? I really should remember) eyes.
We decided to eat as the wine was pouring a little too easily.
Pizza Express was our next location. We both ordered an americano and garlic bread. We had succumbed to the fact we would both stink (of garlic) and we didn't care.
We polished off our pizzas and garlic bread and stopped for a beer at pub close at hand. Before we had to depart and board our separate trains home.
"I'll have to come to your town next weekend to see you again," he said with a smile on his face.
Oh sweet music to my ears. He wants to see me again! Or was it the wine and beer talking?
He texted me on his journey home. He mentioned seeing me again. We both agreed and texted it was great/very nice to meet at last.
That night I snuggled under my purple and cream duvet with a huge grin on my face, and I confess (but only to you, don't tell him I said this) with my mind racing ahead of romantic and fun future liaisons.
Let's stop here shall we.
Now it's time to face reality. Now it's time for the paranoia and self doubts to begin.
We have been in touch since. He texted me 'Happy New Year!x' at fifteen minutes past midnight on new years day.
We have shared texts and instant messages on Facebook.
I haven't seen him since.
The weather has been appalling in the UK. As usual we are victims of severe weather conditions and lack of government funding. The roads turned into treacherous ice-rinks. The public transport system almost came to a disruptive and sudden halt. We are a nation complaining and mocking our abilities to cope when snow appears.
He also has an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship. A little girl who has to come first. I can understand that. I would never expect or want him to take his parental responsibilities anything but seriously.
I am supposed to be seeing him 'soon'.
I have stared at my mobile telephone, willing him to contact me. To arrange an actual second date.
I have bored friends and colleagues rigid by enquiring how often I should contact him, without appearing too keen but to leave the impression I am interested and interesting. Is he seeing other girls? Has he been on his own for too long and grown accustomed to the single life? Is he letting me down gently? Is he true to his word?
How the heck should I know!
Should I contact other guys and not pin so many hopes on one man? There has been other interests through Match Affinity, other apparently single men looking for love and companionship.
Maybe I should trust my instincts, give him the benefit of my self doubt, keep myself busy and just see where, if anywhere at all, this will lead too?
Oh I'm rubbish at dating. I think I should stick to what I know best. Not expecting too much and carrying on regardless, seeing my friends and throwing myself into my work commitments.
Where's that rule book when I need it!


Amel said...'d be great to have a rule book of life, but on second thought...would we really abide by the rules?

I'm crossing my fingers for you and wish you the best. (((HUGS))) I do know how it felt like to wonder and wait - wait for an email/phonecall/SMS - even if I don't have many dating experiences in real life. So I hope you have some peace of mind SOONER than later.

I think, though, if I were you, I'd get to know other men, too and see how they are like. There's no harm done in getting to know other guys, right? And for me it'd help take the focus off this guy.

Eryl Shields said...

I wish, really wish, I could offer some words of wisdom. But, no, I don't have any. I do know one thing: there are definitely no rules when it comes to life, we all have to make it up as we go along. So just enjoy all the aspects of yours as much as you can, and if he gets in touch that will be a bonus.

Mary Smith said...

I'm sure this won't be the last of this romantic adventure!

ChicagoWing said...

A rule book on life? some people would actually say that it exists already - The Bible, the 1000s of self-help books that you see if you go to the bookstore. The Old Testament (or New one for that matter) doesn't talk much about dating.
Another issue is this: if you receive good advice, are you sure you'd follow it? That's not meant to be an insult either but merely to point out that it's hard to do things right.
I soooooo relate to you not being good at the whole pursuit of finding someone else. I have been lousy at it. & the worst part of it is I'm not altogether sure what I should have done different!
I would advise you to match up/date other guys. Just b/c you do that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to date this man again. He isn't your boyfriend.

The World According To Me said...

Yeah would we abide by it Amel? Probably not! Let's face it we can all be victims of thinking we know best and not listening to advice we are sometimes given. I have still not heard from him. Did I read all the signals wrong? I don't think so, I guess he needs a rule book too!

The World According To Me said...

Hello Eryl. How are you? Will visit you next. I guess we do have to make it up as we go along, see if we can make sense of this world and the people we share it with!

The World According To Me said...

I'm trying not to loose Faith in this first date Mary! Haven't heard a thing in a week. Is that too long? Maybe it is...

The World According To Me said...

You're right, ChicagoWing, sometimes we don't always listen to the advice of others. I guess we use our own rule book, and do what we think is best. Let's face it, no one knows anyone like we know ourselves and what we think is best for ourselves. I'm waffling! But I agree with your comments. And no he is not my boyfriend, so I should lighten up, especially as I haven't heard from him recently! Oh well. I guess he wasn't so right for me after all.

Blur Ting said...

You're gorgeous and interesting, you'll have no trouble at all. This man sounds interesting and compatible, so if it works out, it'll be really nice but meantime, go out and meet other people too.

Amel said...

Sorry about that you haven't heard from him anymore. Sometimes I think it's much better if people just tell other people right away about a certain thing, so we're not left wondering and questioning and waiting...but I guess people don't want to be rude, either. You're a BEAUTIFUL, FUN, FUNNY, LOVING, CREATIVE, SMART person...I'm crossing my fingers for you so that you'll find the right one for you - and so that you don't have to keep on waiting and second guessing things. It's really a torture to do that...(((HUGS)))

Amel said...

I always assumed you knew where I met R2 hi hi...I guess you missed my long post on our relationship...the winding road we got until we're here now...but if you want to read it, here's the link:

On Trust and Relationship

I must say now (almost 3 years of being together) that I still feel the same way - that marrying him is one of the best decisions in my life - certainly not easy 'coz I had to leave everything behind, but it was worth the fight. ;-D

Kate said...

As an old married lady, I find myself pining for the single life and dating again. Then I com eover to your place to remind myslef that it ain't roses. Hope he has called back by this time.

The World According To Me said...

Hello Blur

Thank you for your kind words!
Afraid I haven't heard from him for a while, it's a shame as I really thought he was interesting and we were compatible. But I've taken your advice and I'm dating someone else next week. I'm not really expecting much from the evening, as I don't want to be disappointed again! But if I don't go I'll always wonder if I should have. So I'm taking the plunge.

The World According To Me said...

Hello Amel

I must read that post next. Thanks for the link.
I'm glad it all worked out for you, you deserve happiness and love. You're a shining example of how it can work!

The World According To Me said...

Hello Kate

How you doing?

Sometimes I love being single, independent, no one to answer to, having fun with my girlfriends, spreading out in my double bed, no one to argue with or moan at if they haven't done the washing up...but sometimes, as you say, it aint a bed of roses. Nope, he hasn't called.