Everything appears to be different. Well, almost everything. Okay, most things appear to be different.
Allow me to explain myself. I have not decided to have a sex change or a personality transplant, but recently there have been many changes in my life. Hence many things appear to be different.
Some of these changes I’ve embraced with welcoming arms. Other changes I’ve eyed with great suspicion. I’ll be honest with you, certain changes have terrified me. And I have faced changes which seemed insignificant when they took place, but as time passed by, these changes have altered my life and my way of thinking.
Before redundancy (also known as B.R.) I was plodding along nicely. Same job (for nearly ten years), same routine, same social life, same friends, same debts, same person. But who was I to rock the boat? I was comfortable with my life. It was safe. It was familiar. I liked it. There were high points and low points, as one would expect in this day and age. But I wasn’t counting on changing the world, or flying to the moon.
Dear readers, I still haven’t flown to the moon, I haven’t really expected to nor wanted to, but boy has my world changed!
For a start, my week days now begin at 5.30 in the morning. B.R. I was unaware there was a 5.30 in the morning? In my old life I would stagger out of my bed at the last possible moment, challenging myself with the speed I could leave my house and arrive at my desk, trying not to look too flustered in the process.
These days, I leisurely stroll around the house in the (very early) mornings, dressing in my new, smart clothes.
Thanks to my redundancy pay out I now have trousers which are not frayed at the bottom and boots which do not have fake leather peeling away. I allow plenty of time for my journey to the next county, avoiding the hustle and bustle of the London streets, the over crowded city streets which played a heavy part in my old life. I’m even one of the first employees to arrive at the office (as opposed to the B.R. last), ready to face my new procedures.
Have I mentioned that I love my new job? Consider it mentioned. It terrified me at first. It was a culture shock. A new boss, a new company, a new position. A new me. A whole different atmosphere and environment. However, it did not take long for me to grow to love my position, and appreciate the changes.
The fact that I am not constantly worrying about my finances is a huge relief, and a very welcome change. A change which seemed impossible at one time. I look back and shudder when I recall how I would struggle with my loans/store cards/visa/outgoings and general day to day life, desperately trying to stretch my money from one pay day to the next. Thank goodness my redundancy has allowed me to pay my debts and release me from my finance worries. It’s a glorious feeling, I recommend it to anyone!
My social life has altered too. It’s had to, to allow me not to walk around in a zombie like fashion, as a result of my early mornings.
Ahem, I’m not perfect, I’ve had a couple of blips. One evening I was screeching into a microphone in a karaoke bar at an undignified hour, when I should have been tucked up in bed. And another evening I met a B.R. colleague and we drank too much wine, ate too much pizza, and jumped around her front room to Wham! songs until it was too late. But on the whole, I am far more responsible and restrained during the week. I’ve even disregarded the sofa in my bedroom, the sofa I used to lounge on and watch rubbish television. I now have a desk and a comfortable chair to sit on. How sensible of me.
Crikey, even my bedroom is different.
I also have two new additions to my social life. One of the new additions is my friend Sarah, who I communicated with through facebook. Yep, I’m a facebook fan too, something that I never thought would happen in my old life. Once I would mock facebook, now I am peeping at it at every possible opportunity, still grateful that it played a starring role in reuniting Sarah and I. We are back in each others lives regularly. It’s great. And an added bonus regarding our reunited friendship is that I can see my old dog again.
In the dim and distant past, my partner and I shared a dog, Well, it was his dog really but I lived with him and his Stafford Bull Terrier for eight years, so as you can imagine I was rather attached to the dog. When we separated I missed the dog more than I missed him. Sad but true. Sarah has now extended her family and her house to accommodate my ex’s Stafford Bull Terrier. My ex partner now lives many miles away, in a different country, in his dog free life. Lucky for me, I can now visit Sarah and the dog. I adore seeing the dog again. She has grown very old, very white, and a little deaf. Oh, and her breath still smells like a swamp on a hot, sweaty day. But I love her all the same.
I am also back in touch with my ex’s daughter. This is the second unexpected, albiet it very welcome, addition to my social life. We always shared a close relationship but unfortunately it was tested and became rather strained when I spilt with her father. We both deeply regret letting far too many issues come between us. Fortunately we’re back on track now. We have regular nights out and I have even sat in The Flat again.
The flat I used to live in with her father!
My ex’s daughter lives in the flat at present, while my ex lives many miles away, in a different country, in his dog free life. I did not in a trillion years think I would ever step back into that flat. I thought it would be unnecessary, too painful, too out of the question to even contemplate. To my amazement, I have stepped back into it. I sat on the sofa eating hummus and pita bread and it was fine. I didn’t scream in protest, or clutch my head and my heart wailing, “I can’t take all the memories!” Nope, I didn’t collapse into an emotional mess or sob into the pita bread. I had a nice evening. And I expect there will be other nice evenings in that particular accommodation.
And last but not least, there is my love life. Love and romance have been non existent for a long time in the world according to me. Then along came the mysterious man - see last post if you are baffled by this reference.
I have an announcement to make on FPE. Brace yourself, take a deep breath, sit down comfortably, because I would like to state - the mysterious man is back in my life!
For how long he is back is anyone’s guess. Life and love hold no guarantees. Don’t worry, I am not under any false pretences when it comes to matters of the heart. I know how delicate/confusing/weird these situations can be.
I received an explanation from mysterious man - it moved too fast, he was freaked out with the speed and the expectancy, he’s been hurt before. Was that a good enough explanation? I’ll confess to still being hurt by the agonising, ignoring period. I tortured myself, convinced everything was my fault and there was something wrong with me. It was not a pleasant time.
However, I have accepted his explanation. We have agreed to take things at a slower pace, have fun and see where it all leads. Again, this is all very different for me. I normally spend so long becoming friends with a member of the opposite sex, that by the time we are dating I know them inside out and back to front, and our relationship moves at a very fast pace. Maybe it’s healthier this way? Maybe.
So you see, my life is pretty different now. You have my confirmation to these changes. My world is different. My future looks different.
As I have heard a certain energy drink advert announce (not the chewing gum one, and I’m not sure why I keep quoting advertisements):
It’s still me, but on a really good day!
PS Please accept my humble apologies for the lack of posts and comments. Another thing which has to change - I need to blog regularly again. I hope you're all well and I look forward to catching up with you all very soon...