"If you could have one special power, what would it be?" my friend asked me the other day. Oh goody, I thought to myself, I can't resist questions like this.
Hmmm. I started to think carefully about my choices. We already have the super heroes, Superman, Spider-man and Wonder Woman, and their powers allow them to fly around the world wearing a red cape, jump over large buildings with the aid of a spiders web, and demonstrate the strength of a thousand men whilst wearing hot pants.
These powers are all very well, but would they really be beneficial to me? Do I really need to fly around the world, jump over large buildings, and prove I have the strength of a thousand men?
Actually, the flying part would be rather useful. Imagine it - New York for a morning wake-up coffee and a marmite bagel, followed by a spot of retail therapy. Rome at lunchtime for a cheeky little pasta dish and a glass of wine, then off to The Maldives to stretch out on a sun-drenched beach, relaxing and topping up my tan (which is non-existent at the mo). Then perhaps I could zoom to New Zealand to absorb the magnificent scenery and take pictures for FPE. I could be back in my bedroom and under my duvet by 10pm, with an interesting book.
Or even better, I could fly around the world visiting my blogging friends. Hey, I'm starting to like this flying business.
However, there is something that has crossed my mind before, something I wished I had the power to change, slow down or speed up. This power would be....to control time. Imagine it. I could be Timewoman.
How many occasions have you thought, if only I could go back in time and erase that comment / action? For instance, asking a lady when her baby is due, only to witness her burst into tears and say there is no baby, it's her ever growing appetite and obsession for chocolate fudge cake with double cream and ice cream! Or you forget to drive to the supermarket with your lottery numbers, only to see your numbers flash on the television screen, and you scream in horror as you realise you could have been a millionaire and be purchasing your own tropical island by this time next week. Or you could have least have won a tenner and treated yourself to a bottle of Pinot Grigio, a chicken tikka masala and a trashy celebrity magazine.
Then there's speeding time up or slowing time down. Perhaps you could possess a watch with gadgets to do this. For example, you've let the cat out, wearing your dressing gown, but somehow the dressing gown cord becomes tangled up in the door. You've managed to rip the gown and close the front door in the process. The scenario - you are locked out, completely starkers (the dressing gown is useless now), your partner is not home for four hours and you live in a middle terraced house, on a main road, and there's a traffic jam outside your house. Help! Oh hang on, you're wearing your time watch, so you can move time forward by four hours or go back ten minutes and make sure you didn't make such a hash of letting the cat out.
Can you see the advantages of being Timewoman and possessing the time watch?
Of course I wouldn't be selfish with this power, I would use it to help others too. My friend may be watering her window sill plants one day, and then, ARRGG! She knew she shouldn't have tossed that banana skin so carelessly towards the dustbin and not bothered to pick it up off the floor. She's slips on the skin, looses her balance and falls out the window (which is open due to a sticky, humid evening), still holding the watering can. She lives on the tenth floor in a block of flats. This is a very dangerous situation indeed. But if I was Timewoman I could make everything safe by going back in time, picking the banana skin up, and telling her not to bother watering the plants. I'd ensure I'd been invited over that evening for a lamb casserole and a game of scrabble, so I could carry these actions out.
And just in case anyone gets any funny ideas about kidnapping me and stealing this watch, or try to bribe me into illegal and dodgy time action changes, the watch is invisible to the naked eye and will burn any ones naughty fingers if they attempt to steal it from me.
See, I've got it all worked out. I am Timewoman and time is my special power.
Picture of the day.
What time is it?