Friday, 28 December 2007

The unexpected guest

This not-going-to-work lark is playing havoc with my brain. I keep forgetting what the day is. Today I was convinced it was Thursday. Dur, it's Friday. I know that now, as my mother has informed me. Anyone else experiencing the same problem?
But I didn't forgot it was my nan's birthday today. Off to her care home we went, weighed down with presents, flowers and cake. There were three generations of family by her side - her daughters, her daughters daughters and son, and her daughters daughters children. My nan kept nodding off but we all done our utmost best to make her birthday as special as possible.
While we are on the subject of birthdays (again) it was my friend Helen's yesterday and my friend Claire's the other day.
Last night I caught up with Helen to wish her many happy returns of the day, and pass on another home-made card and gift. Nibbles were eaten and wine was drank. And it was great to see my other dear friends during the Christmas period.
And hey, you'll never guess who else turned up to join in with the birthday celebrations?! The photographs below may hold the vital key to the unexpected guest. The unexpected guest who ate and drank far too much, and as a result felt rather queasy. Shame on him for being so greedy!
Judging by the look of the last picture, he isn't sure what day of the week it is either.


Nice grub!

Oh dear.

Tuesday, 25 December 2007

Happy 25th of December

Merry Christmas everybody! I hope you all had a splendid day.
Apparently, I read in a national newspaper, the average person gains eight pounds over the Christmas period. I've probably put on twice as much as that today alone. Okay, maybe I am exaggerating, but I have eaten well.
After opening presents with my parents this morning, I had a bar of chocolate from my 'selection box' for breakfast. How nutritious was that?!
Chocolate eaten, and some great presents opened - a bed for my dolls house, a gym top (the treadmill is calling me!), a couple of cook books and a 'how to photograph absolutely everything' book etc etc, we visited my nan in her care home.
Her face beamed at us when we walked in. We helped her open her presents and sang along to the background music. Thank goodness she is out of hospital (she broke her hip not long ago), as spending Christmas day visiting her in hospital was quite a daunting prospect. Last year she broke her arm and Christmas day was spent by her hospital bed. Anyone who has seen a loved one in hospital on Christmas day will know how sad it can feel.
After spending time with my nan and leaving safe in the knowledge that she was about to eat her Christmas dinner, my mother, father and I, went home for ours. It was delicious. Turkey, sausages, roast potatoes, stuffing and vegetables were piled high on our plates. Followed by a moist and fruity Christmas pudding.
Dinner was digested, and the next stop was my aunts house where my other aunt, uncle and cousins were.
How lucky I am to have such a loving family to spend Christmas day with. More presents were opened, and I was over the moon with my 'George Michael, the biography' book.
Then it was tea time! Cold meats, quiche, salad and a selection of cheeses. With a choice of cheesecake, chocolate log, fruit cake or banoffee pie for dessert. See what I mean?!
I'm home now, wearing my new leopard print pyjamas and piggie slippers, tasteful is not a word I would use to describe myself tonight. Charlie Chaplin is on the television and a box of 'quality street' are staring me in the face. But I couldn't possibly eat anything else. Or maybe just a tiny weeny strawberry cream? No, I can't! I have to go to bed pronto and stop eating.
Sweet (strawberry cream) dreams everybody.

Pictures of the day:

The tree in my house.

For Kate.

For Jyankee.

Friday, 21 December 2007


Zip-A-Dee-Do-Da Zippadee-ay, my oh my, what a wonderful day! Because it’s Friday, it’s my last day in the office until 2008, it’s pay day, and my cold has nearly gone! I think these are good enough reasons to be in a joyful mood.
I hope everyone else is happy?

I have been working at the speed of light today, to make up for being absent from the office yesterday afternoon.
We had our team lunch at a pizza place, handy location, within walking distance from the office. No prizes for guessing what I ordered - pizza. An Americana pizza to be precise, and it was very tasty. Although the knives were far too blunt (it was hard work cutting that pizza) and I had to ask the waitress to turn the heater down as I kept having hot flushes. I wasn’t the only one though, everyone turned a delicate shade of red, as a result of the boiling room temperature.
As well as lots of tempting pizzas on the menu, the menu boasted that famous diners such as the Marx Brothers, Mickey Rooney and Liberace had graced the restaurant with their presence. Alas, yesterday it was a celebrity free restaurant, there was just us lot from the 3rd floor.
After Pizza, we decided a visit to the pub was required, and a darts match would be fun. We all had to choose a bogus name for the match, so I decided I was 'The Careless Whisperer'. (I can hear the groans, as I’ve incorporated George into my life again!)
But I became too preoccupied with my wine, and with chatting, and didn’t actually throw one single dart. With my eye sight, it was probably just as well.
I had another pizza in the evening, not that I’m complaining, a girl can never have too much pizza (or shoes and bags). This time I ate it in the company of my friend Eve, as it was her birthday. Keeping up the home-made card tradition, I made her card and bought her a purse, which she requested. We watched Hairspray on DVD, which was the ideal light entertainment film. I must say, John Travolta was very convincing as a woman.
And here I am, back at my desk, about to tuck into a gingerbread Christmas tree, courtesy of Someone in the office.
Only another half day to go. But don’t worry, I’ll be blogging from my lap top at home, you don’t get rid of me that easily!

Happy Friday everyone!

After the pizza.

The gingerbread Christmas tree.

Tuesday, 18 December 2007

You can call me Rudolph

“Achoo!” That was me sneezing by the way, in case you were wondering. I’ve felt rather run down the past couple of days.
In an ideal world, I would be able to stay in bed, or on the sofa, dosed up with medication, a box of tissues for company, and watching children’s television. I’m sorry to say, this is not an ideal world, and it’s one of my busiest times in the office EVER due to the yearly publication. Plus (I may have mentioned this before) my not-so-new boss waltzed off to Australia for a whole month, leaving me to hold the production fort. So I'm soldiering on.
I do realise that people on the trains and in the office must be cursing me and my germs, but I have to ensure the yearly publication is sent to print per schedule.
Mind you, I can’t win at home either, my mother and father keep giving each other worrying looks every time I cough/sneeze/blow my nose. For it was only last night my mother said, “If I catch that, I shall go mad!”
I can’t help being under the weather! Believe me, if I had a choice, I would rather be fighting fit and running a marathon (or maybe I should stick to eating a marathon, ha, ha. (Oh hang on, they're called Snickers bars now. I'm a little behind the times.)
What’s a girl to do? I have to live somewhere, and I have to get my work done. So, pardon my germs, I am trying to keep them to myself.
I've even cancelled two prior engagements. And I never cancel on anyone, even if my leg was hanging off, I would probably still keep my word and show my face.
However, I do realise that a week before Christmas people would prefer you to explain that you have a cold, rather than turn up, sneeze and splutter all over them, and therefore pass your illness on - in time for Christmas day.
So it's vitamin c galore in my house now, and I'm surrounded by lemsips, strepsils and tissues. Crikey, I have just caught a glimpse of my nose in the mirror. You should see the colour of it! You can call me Rudolph (the red nosed reindeer). How festive I look.

Picture of the day:

Present time.

Monday, 17 December 2007

The colours of friendship

How honoured do I feel? The answer is - very. On Friday, before I ran out the door to meet my friend Chamelle for birthday drinks, (yep, another birthday) I took a peep at my favourite blogs. It was when I read
I discovered that I’d been given an award! ‘The colours of friendship’ award, which I would like to say a huge thank you for. It definitely put a smile on my face and a spring in my step!
I am proudly displaying the award, and I am passing it on to all the folks out there who read my blog and take the time out of their busy lives to post me a comment. It wouldn’t be the same without you!

So, I’m passing it on to:

Thanks again for kindly passing this onto me.

This is the first chance I’ve had to write since Friday. After receiving my award (listen to me, you'd think I'd been to The Oscars) I met my pal Chamelle, and a couple of her friends, for a birthday celebration.
Apparently, according to The News, the weekend just gone was the worst weekend of the year for drunken accidents. This being due to the fact it was the most popular weekend for Christmas get-togethers and office Christmas parties. And, right on cue, our first image of the night was a girl slumped on the pavement, sprayed in her own sick. Luckily she wasn’t on her own, her friends were standing around, trying to work out what to do with her.
I can honestly say that I have never done that, nor do I have any intentions of doing that.
Our evening contained yabbering on the red sofa in a busy bar, with a little boogie and a few glasses of wine. It was great to see my pal, who I met one fateful day at a certain publishing house, and after playing a few tricks on each other, we’ve been faithful friends ever since.
Please join me in raising your glass to friendship and friendship awards!

Picture of the day:

A selection of Christmas cards that I have made (for my friends)

Thursday, 13 December 2007

Jack Frost and the photocopier

Shh. Don’t tell anyone why I was late for work this morning. It was only a mere six minutes after all, and I will make the time up, you can be sure of that.
After snoozing, and then realising there was no snoozing left, I reluctantly got out of bed, and pulled back the curtains. My, look at the outside world, I thought. It’s covered in a blanket of frost. How pretty everything looked. Although I made a mental note to walk to the station wearing a hat, gloves and scarf. Not just a hat, gloves and scarf, that would be plain silly. A girl needs other items of clothing.
After hurriedly washing, dressing, and eating, I opened my front door, knowing I would have to walk as fast as my little legs would carry me, so I could catch my designated train.
But I got distracted. My camera came out, and I started snapping away at the snow flakes which were sprinkled on the streets and in the gardens. Even a spiders web looked pretty!
So that you don’t feel left out, and feel part of my journey to the station, I have attached the photographs below. (See how thoughtful I am!)
When I arrived at the office, I realised today was not a good day to be six minutes late. My yearly review was sprung on me by my not-so-new manager, who is off to Australia tomorrow.
Forms were filled in, objectives were set, and forms were photocopied.
Has anybody else out there got photo copying phobia? The photocopier in the office could be mistaken for a small air craft. It copies, it faxes, it prints, it scans, it lights up, and everyone has their own personal code to use it. And I’m sure one day it will start churning out cups of coffees, making cheese rolls, and then take off into space.
But whenever I go near it, it jams. The paper gets stuck, the warning sign comes on, and I waste far too much time trying to figure out where the jam is, and wondering why this is happening to me. Today was no exception. The air was blue, my foot was itching to kick it, and everyone in the office was giving me a wide berth.
I finally photocopied my forms and had my yearly review. I’d say it went reasonably well, and next year I will be able to take a more active part with the design side of production, because my Apple Mac will be upgraded (again) and I shall be attending as many training courses as physically possible. Let’s hope I can receive a pay rise too!

I have to go now, as I have a meeting with my not-so-new manager before she jets off to Australia for a month. Me, jealous? Of course I’m not. I’m also a big, fat liar. Of course I’m jealous!
Oh well. I hope you are all having a productive and enjoyable day. And remember, if faced with a photocopier, do not, under any circumstances, let it get the better of you! It's only a machine, after all.

Pictures of the day:

One frosty morning.

Wednesday, 12 December 2007

Who am I?

How many 2008 calendars does a girl need? I have four. It’s not as if I keep buying them and forgetting I already I have one (I’m not that absent minded) but at this time of the year, I am forever being sent/given calendars.
For all my sins, in the office, I am one of the contacts for our ‘preferred list of suppliers’, which basically means sales representatives from printing companies are often telephoning me, or dropping in the office, to see if they can generate new business.
After writing my blog yesterday, and feeling safe in the knowledge that half the working day was over, I received a
telephone call. My heart sank as I realised it was a sales representative on the prowl for new contracts. He'd popped in and wondered if he could take up five minutes of my time. Normally, I would happily walk downstairs to the meeting room and flick through brochures, appreciating paper finishes and colour reproduction. But yesterday was not a normal day. Yesterday I was wondering how I could possibly look and sound intelligent.
Maybe it wasn’t the most professional thing to say, but I felt it only fair to warn the sales rep.
“I’m not my usual sparkling self today. It was the office Christmas party yesterday.”
He gave me a sympathetic, knowing look, and shook his head, saying “Oh dear.”
After this comment, Mr sales rep said I was doing remarkably well under the circumstances. Hmm, I thought, surely he is being polite? Then again, he has never met me before so he probably thinks that I always look like this.
I must admit I was pretty impressed with the colour brochure he handed me. It had been personalised with my name! There were pictures of Father Christmases on one page, and on each Father Christmas there was a letter taken from my name, so the overall look was Father Christmas spelling my name out! The result? Personalisation with high visual impact!
I was then handed a 2008 calendar.
“Thank you,” I found myself saying. “I need a calendar.”

Today, I'm back to my old self, and feeling human again. I am ready to conquer the world, and the universe. (But no more calendars please!)
Or, rather than conquering the world and the universe, maybe I’ll just stick to my list of things to do, which includes a tag from my friend at:

This is how it works. Use the first letter of your name to answer each question. Must be places, names…Nothing made up. Can’t use own name for boy/girl’s name question. If can’t answer, skip to next one.

As I began to attempt this, I realised most people in the bloggisphere know me as ‘The World According to Me’ or ‘Flying Pink Elephants’. So, I’ll give you a clue to my true identity – my name begins with N and rhymes with picky. Oh how mysterious I am!

1. Famous Singer: Neil Diamond.
2. Four Letter Word: Nest.
3. Street: No entry street!
4. Colour: Navy blue. (Interesting fact - the first recorded use of Navy
blue as a colour name in English was 1840.)
5. Gifts/Present: Nightdress.
6. Vehicle: Neon coloured car.
7. Things in Souvenir Shop: Notebook with the name of the place printed on
8. Boy Name: Noah.
9. Girl Name: Nora. (What old fashioned names I have chosen.)
10. Movie title: Nightmare on Elm Street. (1, 2, Freddies coming for you!)
11. Drink: Nettle tea.
12. Occupation: Nappy maker. (Hmm, that was the first thing that came into my
13. Celebrity: Natalie Portman.
14. Magazine: Now.
15. U.S. City/State: - New York.
16. Pro Sports: Netball.
17. Fruit: Nectarine.
18. Reason for Being Late to work: No alarm clock today!
19. Something you throw away: Newspaper, after you have read it of course.
20. Something you shout: No way!

Okay, I'm going to tag anyone who reads this, and knows their name. Especially:

Picture of the day:

13 days to go.

Tuesday, 11 December 2007

The office Christmas party

What a difference a day can make. Yesterday the office was full of enthusiastic, well dressed people. The non suit wearers were dressed in suits, the suit wearing people were wearing their best suits, the glamorous girls looked even more glamorous, the girls who normally dress down had made a special effort to dress up, and as for me, I actually wore a little black dress, with a touch of cream.
Today it’s a very different story. The office is full of pale and tired people. I would even go as far as to say, certain individuals are looking quite scruffy. No offence meant! Water and coffee are being guzzled at an alarming rate, and there is a whiff of bacon sandwiches and McDonalds in the air.
If you haven’t already guessed by now (although the post title does give the game away!) yesterday was the office Christmas party.
For the occasion, a room, with bar and dining area, was hired at a London night club.
My meal consisted of breaded goats cheese with red onion jam, chestnut and apricot turkey parcel, with seasonal vegetables and roast new potatoes, followed by strawberry and champagne roulade. I enjoyed every mouthful. My only complaint was - our table for four, seated ten people. Cramped was one word to describe it.
After dinner, the bar and dance floor proved to be very popular. I had a boogie, with wine glass in hand, and the boogie turned into a dance frenzy when I heard the words ‘Wake me up before you go go’. You can count on Wham! to get a party going! Although I know I am slightly biased.
As you can see from my colleagues faces today, everyone took full advantage of the free bar. Myself included.
However, I am extremely pleased to announce that I did not loose my camera/purse/bag/mobile phone/shoe. Everything is still in tact.
But please, no difficult questions today. Thank you.

Picture of the day:

Disco time.

Sunday, 9 December 2007

The Merry Christmas Happy Birthday text

Happy 15th birthday SMS! I was reminded of this information as I texted a 'Happy Birthday' message for my cousins little boy.
As well as the George Michael related article in our office newsletter, we learnt that this week, 15 years ago, the world's first SMS was sent. It simply contained the words 'Merry Christmas' and was sent to the engineers at Vodafone by a certain man called Neil Papworth.
You learn something every day, or so they say. Unless, of course, you already knew that.
It was my cousins little boy's 2nd birthday today. After sending the 'Happy Birthday' text, I watched his eyes light up as he opened his presents and happily played with them, while keeping one close eye on Postman Pat on the telly. Savoury bits and chocolate cake were devoured, and I left my cousins house when the birthday boy and his big sister started bickering over the remote control car. Bless them.
I'm off to bed with my book now, latest escape is 'The Blind Assassin' by Margaret Atwood. According to the Daily Telegraph: 'Like all great novels, it transports us to a fully-realised, self-contained world that beguiles and haunts us, subtly altering our views on life.' Sounds good to me.
I have finished 'The Kite Runner' and all I can say is wow, what a powerful book. If you haven't read it, I strongly suggest that you go and buy it now.

Well, it's goodnight from me, or good morning, or good afternoon, depending where you are in this mad (text friendly) world.

Pictures of the day:

Birthday balloons.

Friday, 7 December 2007

Kangaroos could save the world

I’m in a marvelously good mood today. The fact that it’s Friday may be playing an enormous part in my good mood. On Fridays, me and the rest of the gang are allowed to leave the office a whole half hour earlier than the normal working hours. In the summer (August to be exact) it’s four and a half hours earlier than normal, but we must be thankful for half hours in the winter.
My first mince pie of the season has also added to my cheerfulness. These were circulated, very generously, by Someone in the office. “Why thanks, don’t mind if I do,” said I.
Anyone would think it was Christmas soon! Talking of Christmas, I am having a little debate with myself – the gym tonight or Christmas wrapping? I just can’t make my mind up. My body is crying out for exercise, but the mountain of presents in my bedroom are crying out for me to start wrapping them. Maybe I’ll just see what kind of mood I’m in when I walk through the front door tonight, to the topsy-turvy household.
If you have been paying close attention, you’ll know a new kitchen is being installed in my house, hence the topsy-turvy household. The kitchen table is in the hallway, the microwave is in the lounge, and the washing machine is in the conservatory. Confused? You will be if you come to my house.

Anybody out there have any exciting plans for the weekend? Christmas shopping perhaps? Chilling in front of the telly?
I have another birthday this weekend, my cousins little boy. So there will be another family birthday tea to attend. Which reminds me, I bought his present ages ago but I need to buy a birthday card for a two year old. I feel a visit to the card shop coming on.

Right, marvellously good mood slightly squashed, the editor has informed me there is a George Michael related article in our weekly newsletter.
“Is it praising his talent?” I asked.
“No, it’s connected to a toilet incident.”
Arrg. When will the stigma end?!
I have to get out of here now and visit the card shop. Before I tell the editorial team where to stick their newsletter. (I'm only joking, editorial team!)

But, before I go, I want to mention kangaroos and what they are doing for the environment. I found an interesting piece of news at:
I often lurk at the Internet, to see what's going on in the outside world, before I write my blog.
According to scientists, kangaroo farts are fighting global warming. Thanks to a special bacteria in their stomachs, kangaroos do not emit harmful methane gas when they let off a stinker.
Australian scientists are now planning to transfer that bacteria into cows and sheep to make their flatulence eco-friendly.
It will take researchers about three years to isolate the bacteria before they can think of a way to transfer it to other animals.
I thought I would share that with you.

Enjoy your weekend, and remember that kangaroos could be the answer.

Picture of the day:

Who would like a Friday sugary treat?

Wednesday, 5 December 2007

Winter Wonderland

It’s not funny any more. I like to think I can poke fun at myself and my sometimes quirky ways. But not this time. This time, I am not laughing and I fail to see the funny side.
I managed to mislay my camera last night, after the Winter Wonderland experience at Hyde Park. My prize possession, my pride and joy, digital camera. So long camera, maybe I’ll see you in the next life. I hope your new owner is looking after you and taking you to weird and wonderful places.
What an absent minded wally I am! Maybe it’s just as well I am childless, as I might forget I had them and leave them on a train one day. Heaven forbid.
Last night, work colleague and friend, and I, travelled to Hyde Park, where bright orange ice skates were placed on our feet. I’m trying to work out the last time I went ice skating, all I can remember is, it was ages ago. At one time I would zoom around the ice rink every Friday night. I loved ice skating. I used to love roller skating too and at one stage in my life I seemed to have skates permanently attached to my feet.
Which was why I was surprised to see how nervous I was last night. Although to be fair, the rink was far too small for the amount of people skating around. And most people looked like they had never seen, let alone worn, a pair of skates in their life.
When I first reached the ice I kept imagining falling over and someone slicing my hand off. That image did not bode well. Then I started getting annoyed with myself. Come on girl, I thought, you know you can do better than this. Slowly and surely I picked up speed and started feeling confident again. I even started enjoying myself.
After our ice skating session, work colleague and friend, and I, headed to the German Market. Here, wooden stalls were decorated with lights and selling hand made toys, rugs, sweets, and other such delights. We admired, drank mulled wine and ate German sausages.
Then we made our way to the fairground attractions and bought tokens for the horses on the merry-go-round. I felt as if we were in a Mary Poppins film. Although the horses did not detach themselves from the merry-go-round and enter us into a race. Shame, that would have been an experience and a half.
Winter Wonderland was a pleasure to visit.
And then I mislayed my camera. Correction, and then I left my camera on the window sill in a pub. I don’t want to talk about that part of the evening, because I could kick myself.

I couldn’t bear the thought of a camera free life, so I purchased a new one today, courtesy of House of Fraser. Unfortunately the pictures from last night were also left on the window sill, so do you know what I did tonight? I returned to the park to recapture the scene. It's only two tube stops away from the office.
So here you are everyone, recaptured photographs from last night. Second time, spanking new camera, lucky!

Pictures of the day:

The merry-go-round.

The helter skelter.

The big wheel.

Tuesday, 4 December 2007

Look out, here I come

Guess what happened to me on the train this morning? There I was, minding my own business, and engrossed in ‘The Kite Runner’ (excellent book by the way, begins in 1970’s Afghanistan, a real eye opener and tear jerker, sensitively written, telling the life story of the narrator) when I spotted a spare seat. Oh goody, I thought to myself, I can rest my weary legs and give my arm a break from my large and fully packed bag. So I stepped backwards, and I was about to sit down, when quick as a flash, out of nowhere, a woman came flying along and literally pushed, yes pushed me out of the way, and sat down on the spare seat.
“You must really want that seat!” I said to her. She ignored me. And then closed her eyes for the remainder of the journey, so she didn’t have to look at me glaring at her from over the top of my book.
Some people!
Another thing that happened to me this morning - I opened the cupboard under the stairs, to remove a can of soup from the never ending supply, when I realised there were no cans of soup! The never ending supply had ran out!
I couldn’t even open the fridge in the kitchen, to see what replacement food I could pack in my large bag, as there is no fridge in the kitchen! There are also no cupboards, no sink, no freezer, no washing machine, nothing. The room is an empty shell.
Before you start stressing that we have been burgled, and the kitchen (and the cans of soup) have been stolen, let me explain it’s been ripped out and a new one is being installed as I write this.
Due to the lack of kitchen, the traditional (at home) family birthday tea was cancelled last night. It was my mothers birthday. Instead, me, mum, dad, and my mum’s lovely best friend, went to a local pub/restaurant for food and drink. None of us had actually been in the local pub/restaurant before, but it came recommended through a friend of a friend. My father commented that he'd driven past it nearly every day for the past 48 years, but had never once stepped inside.
Last night we all stepped inside, and soft lighting, an open log fire, a large Christmas tree in the corner, and rustic tables greeted us. The only fault was the service, the waitress was far too slow, messed up the drinks order and forgot my mothers mashed potato.
My meal was faultless though – goats cheese tart, with red onion and apple, and rocket salad, followed by mushroom, parmesan and herb risotto, then banoffee pancakes and ice cream for dessert.
Now you can understand why I reached for the healthy and low fat soup this morning.
Never mind, I'll be be exercising tonight, I shall be ice skating in Hyde Park. I haven’t ice skated for years, so I’m hoping I’m not too rusty, and that I don’t do anything too embarrassing. Hmm. We’ll see.
And if anyone gets in my way, maybe I should take a leaf out of Rude Woman On The Train’s book, and push ‘em out of the way! Nah, I’m far too nice and polite for all of that.

Picture of the day:

My favourite flowers.

Monday, 3 December 2007

How to fix my life meme

“Tag, you’re it!” that’s what Mike from
has said to me. I’m it, because I have been tagged to complete a ‘life course meme’ with these rules:

The rules are as follows:
Devise a list of 5-10 courses you would take to fix your life.

It's more fun to be in classes with friends, so include one class from the person who tagged you that you'd also like to take. Tag 5 others

Here’s the life courses which I know I would benefit from:

How to get out of bed.
Such a simple thing, but something I have such difficulty with. It doesn’t matter what time I went to bed, or how many hours sleep I’ve had, I find it Mission Impossible to get up in the mornings. I am the Queen of “Five more minutes!” and “I’ll just press snooze one more time.”
I’d love to be one of these people who rise early from their bed with no effort or complaints, ready to happily embrace the world, after they have swam 99 lengths of the swimming pool, cleaned the house from top to bottom, prepared the evening meal, and written a best selling novel.
It’s just not me. If you stand outside my house in the mornings, I’ll be the one rushing down the path, still dressing myself, piece of toast hanging out of my mouth and muttering the words “I’m going to miss my train if I don’t hurry!”

How to suppress your appetite.
It is abnormal to be constantly hungry?! It’s not unusual for me to finish my breakfast and start thinking about my lunch. It’s also common for me to finish my lunch and still feel hungry. And to eat my dinner, and then stick my head in the fridge to see what damage I can do.
I remember a friend once saying to me “Your appetite amazes me.”
It was okay years ago, because I could eat a small country and not gain one single pound. These days, I only have to look at a chocolate bar or a slab of cheese, and I have put on fifty calories. Sigh, it’s not fair (especially with my appetite).

How to make your own clothes.
I would love to say “This old thing? Oh I knocked it up the other day on my sewing machine.” Think of all the gorgeous material I could buy, and the unique creations I could wear and dress my home with. Think of all the money I could save! No more popping into Selfridges to “Just have a look” and popping out two hours later with five carrier bags and trying not to think about the cash total. Mind you, I am so much more controlled theses days when it comes to shopping! Thank goodness, as it had to stop.
But I would love to be a wizard on the sewing machine.
Sorry Blur, I wasn’t copying your course, it’s something that has crossed my mind before.
Mike, fancy coming on a dress making course?!

How to turn £5 notes into £20 notes.

Total fabrication, I know. But imagine it! No more planning my life around pay day, because every time I received a five pound note, or drew it out of ‘the hole in the wall’ I could turn it into a twenty pound note. No more money worries, and a far better standard of living!
Where’s Harry Potter and his magic wand when you need him?!

How to make one glass of wine last all night.
Nope I’ve never managed this one. One glass of wine isn’t really my style. Not that I’m a raving alcoholic or anything, I just enjoy the odd glass of wine or three. Especially after a hard day in the office, as there is nothing like pouring a glass of Pino Grigio and letting all your troubles drift away.
But if I could make one glass of wine last all night, I know my liver and my bank balance would thank me for it.

I'm tagging anyone who reads this and cares to join in! Go on, be a devil, see what courses you could benefit from.

Picture of the day:

(It might not have escaped your attention that I visited a duck pond the other day):

This way to the life courses!

Saturday, 1 December 2007

The wedding reception

December has arrived! The frost is delicately sprinkled in the garden, the bare trees are waving in the breeze, and I am looking at my shots from the wedding reception last night.
My friend Ali was married yesterday, and my friend Eve, and I, joined her for the evening celebrations. It was held in a local venue, filled with Christmas decorations, cheerful people, delicious food, and a live band singing and playing musical instruments. The brides dress was exquisite, and she was radiating happiness.
One wedding guest said hello to me and asked if I recognised her. "Erm, no sorry, I don't" was my reply. Apparently she was Davina McCallgirl from the hen night. "Arr," I said. " I didn't recognise you without your wig and microphone."
Eve and I circulated, drank and ate, and we couldn't help noticing the giant polar bear in the corner. I wonder if he had far to travel from?

Pictures of the day:

Friend and polar bear.

Me and polar bear.

Just resting on the piano

The snowman wrapped up warm for the occasion.

So did the penguins.

Even Father Christmas was there.