Monday, 30 April 2007

Pass the Witch Hazel please

Why do the weekends whiz by far too fast? It seems that before I can say 'Bobs your Uncle (and my friend Annie's Dad) and Fanny's your Aunt (and my Father's great Aunt)' I'm back at my desk.
It was an enjoyable weekend though. Alas, I couldn't treat my parents to a meal at the restaurant I'd booked, as the owner telephoned to inform us there had been a fire. So that's New Look and The Cranleigh up in flames. Still, could be worse, we could be living in Kent, as they had an earth quake this weekend. Nearly 500 homes damaged and measuring 4.3 on the Richter scale.
My father enjoyed his birthday day trip to Henley-on-Thames. Picnicked by the river, fed the ducks and browsed in some shops. Unfortunately I had a little accident with some stinging nettles. I now look like I have a horrid disease on my arms and I can't stop scratching them.
And last but not least I went to the gym for a work out last night.
Talking of last night, I had another slightly peculiar dream (in between waking up to scratch myself). Dreamt the office was on fire and they wouldn't let us out (the wonderful topsy turvy world of dreams). So to amuse everyone and keep their minds off the crisis in hand, I arranged a raffle. I can't remember the first prize, but the second prize was a bag of china dolls and the third prize was a pampering kit. The fire men were using sea water to extinguish the flames, as the sea had moved itself to outside our building. But there were wind surfers surfing the waves and they kept falling off their boards due to the amount of water the fire fighters were draining. And then my alarm clock rang, rudely interrupting me from my blazing dream world.

Today I have a fair few things to do. One of our magazines is due at the printers tomorrow, so it's print orders and mailing orders and lots of important stuff like that. But it keeps me out of trouble, and my mind off my itchy, stingy, diseased looking arms.

Friday, 27 April 2007

London's burning! Well, New Look was

I saw a speckle of light at the end of the very long and dark tunnel this morning. While walking to the station I realised I could actually fasten the buttons on my tweedy look jacket, even if it is a little tight! When I first purchased the jacket, it was impossible for the item to be buttoned up over my ever expanding body. 'It's okay' I remember saying to my friend Helen, 'I'm going to loose some weight anyway.' How many times have I said that?! In fact, if I had a £1 for every time I have uttered those words, I could buy a million packets of chocolate mini eggs.
My smile was soon wiped off my face when I reached the station as there were delays 'following an earlier incident.' Oh that explains it perfectly then.
I came to a particularly gruesome part in my book 'in the miso soup' when I finally boarded the train. It involved an ear being sliced off, and I won't tell you where the ear was intended to go after that. It's just a story, I had to keep reminding myself!
When I reached my final destination (late) I couldn't help noticing that Oxford Street was taped up and there were fire engines and fire fighters everywhere. There had been a fire in New Look. Luckily no casualties, just four floors of damage and apparently about a million pounds worth of loss of trading.

My friend Caron googled flying pink elephants today, and informed me by email that she was directed to these words:
Flying Pink Elephants make up almost 5 per cent of the world's population of elephants. Pink Elephants are incorporeal entities that seek out and attack people who are under the influence of alcohol. The diminutive pachyderms have excellent hearing (they can hear a pull-tab being flicked away a mile off) and can smell even the smallest trace hints of vodka on a person's breath. They can fly and turn invisible at will (sober folks can never see Pinkies and Pinkies can never see them).
Although they never do any physical damage to their victims, they are noisy and distracting - usually scaring the drunkard into running into traffic or tumbling down a flight of stairs. Once they've choosen a victim, they will NEVER leave him alone (except maybe to lull him into a false sense of security before returning to torment him). There are dipsomancy rituals to summon and dispel such beasts, but by and large the only way to get rid of them is by sobering up.

How very apt that I should decide to name my blog after them!

Well, it's Friday again. And as always I am very pleased and grateful that the weekend is approaching. This weekend it's my Father's birthday. I have booked a table at my parents favourite restaurant and my Mother has booked a day trip to Henley-on-Thames.
I must go to the gym too.
I'm expecting to be too busy to write at the weekend, but will no doubt have time to write on Monday.

Thursday, 26 April 2007

Sometimes McDonalds is the only answer

Yes. I did sing last night. That's the third time I have been in the same room as a karaoke machine, swore blind that I was not going to put myself or the audience through it, and ended up wailing down the microphone. George Michael's 'Edge of Heaven' has never sounded so bad! Yeah, yeah, yeah, la, la, la, la, la.....

Moving swiftly on from my vocal talents, I'm afraid to report that this morning I stopped via McDonalds to soak up my soggy booze damaged brain. I dread to think how many calories, not to mention crap, that I consumed. But sometimes McDonalds is the only answer.
As a result of the white wine flowing last night, I have been rather vacant today. The lights are on but nobodies home.

I have however, managed to accompany my partner in wine (Sophie) to Hamleys to purchase a dog. A stuffed one of course. And it's all for a good cause. In July she is running 10k dressed as Super Woman to raise money for guide dogs for the blind. Here's the link if anyone is interested. http://www.gdba.org.uk/
The stuffed dog is for a guess the name for £2 money raising idea. Choosing the correct name means you win the dog.
I must confess that I am not entirely convinced of her marketing methods towards this run, she has sent a group email titled 'Give £2 to charity or the puppy gets it'

I have opted for the name Georgie. No prizes for guessing why I have chosen the name Georgie.

Wednesday, 25 April 2007

Aliens, prostitutes and karaoke machines

I had a very pleasant evening last night with my friend. Luckily I avoided the high calorie packed meals and remembered that my favourite food is now salad! Chicken and Asparagus salad was on last nights menu. Washed down with a couple of glasses of Pinot (that's 75 calories per small glass so I didn't feel too guilty). We sat outside as the weather is nice and mild for this time of the year and discussed many subjects - life, love, families and Stephen King books. Helen shares my passion for The King's creativity.
I video taped Behind the scenes of Grazia magazine to view in bed, but I was too tired to watch it upon my return journey home. Instead I wrapped my duvet around me and dreamt of websites and Lhaso Apsos. Which is tame compared to the other night's dream. This consisted of me reading Mr T's diary (If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team) and watching a legless (as in no limbs, not under the influence of) prosititute turn into a vomit producing alien. Nope, I'm not going to try to analyses that one. Far too disturbing.

This lunchtime I am downloading my Smooth Jazz cd for my ipod. I am now listening to Bill Withers, Aint no sunshine when she's gone.

Tonight I am staying at my work colleague and friend Sophie's new house. With maybe a little detour to a near by pub, which just happens to be hosting a karaoke night. I really do hope, for everyone else's sake, that I do not get up to sing after a couple of large glasses. But I'll get back to you on that!

Tuesday, 24 April 2007

Tackle Tuesday

I mananged to put my trainers and track suit on last night and get my (rather large these days) self to the gym. Although while removing my shoes to replace with my trainers, I discovered I had been walking around for the majority of the day with cottage cheese stuck to my heel. Low fat cottage cheese, of course.
I arrived home in time for Ruddy Hell it's Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse. I really wanted to laugh out loud at the sketches but the only two I found amusing were the loud American tourists and Jamie & Oliver impressions.
Today I have downloaded Aretha Franklin, the very best of. As I type this I am listening to Don't play that song (you lied).

At lunch time I surfed The Sun website and read the story of the 35 year old man who walked into a Zizzi restaurant and chopped off his manhood. Imagine tucking into your garlic baguette and witnesssing that! Made me feel quite queezy just reading it.

Tonight I am seeing a very good friend of mine, Helen, and we are off to a local pub for good food and fine wine. I am looking forward to catching up with her, and hearing how she, her husband, and her seven lovely children are.
And no repeat performances of the Zizzi man tonight please!

Monday, 23 April 2007

Happy St George's Day

I've finally done it! I have created a blog. It was very nearly called 'Sunflowers and Chocolate Mountains' but I settled on 'Flying Pink Elephants.' And I have absolutley no idea why.
I should be checking the images on a bound-in-card right now (I work for a magazine publishers) but I'm finding the temptation to write my first blog extract too hard to resist.
And being a Monday, followed by a late night last night as I was watching 'The Breakfast Club' on telly (even cheesier than Brie), writing a blog is a welcome distraction.

Now, it's all very well having a blog, but what shall I write about?

How about what I'm up to this week? Anyone interested? Well, I'll tell you anyway.

This week I am reading and loving it - 'in the miso soup' by Ryu Murakami. Oozes darkness and ambiguity and reads like a cross-Pacific bullet train.

This week I am still - calorie counting. The over indulgence in cheese, wine, Indian takeaways etc has alas caught up with me. So it's vegetable soups and bran flakes time.

This week I must - visit the gym more than once. No staring at the telly all night tonight. It's trainers and track suit on, and off to the gym I go.

This week I need to - download more tunes for my ipod. The ipod my boss bribed me with for carrying his lap top back from Singapore, and I accidentally stole two green silk scarves with it at the airport. The scarves become attached to the velcro on the lap top case. Unfortunately I didn't notice this until I was nearly at the boarding gate, and I realised the gentleman next to me was madly pointing his finger at the scarves trailing behind me.

I must also remember to book a restaurant for my father's birthday.

Oh and I must complete my Barcelona expenses from February, so I can stop avoiding the accounts department.

Quote for the week - Smile for a while and let's be jolly, life shouldn't be so melancholy. Taken from ' I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden.'